Our Society and Double Standards. ..

A woman cheats on her fiance days to their wedding... The wedding is cancelled... It's the right thing to do... We can't stop talking about it... He exposes her.. An adulterous woman is a shame to womanhood... It's allover the Internet... Everyone has something to say..

A man cheats on his bride-to-be on the eve of the wedding... She forgives him.. I The wedding goes on... it's the right thing to do...Men are polygamous 'by nature'... No one hears of it.. The bride is even too ashamed to mention it so only very few people know.. They cover for him...

A man hits his wife and bruises her... it's all over the internet.. He's called names.. beast.. coward.. hang him... kill him... castrate him..
No man should ever hit a woman. Even if she provokes him.. has a running mouth.. Women are talkative 'by nature'.. Everyone gets to hear of it... Everyone condemn him... Surely  has no right... a mere woman? What kind of animal is he?

A woman hits her man and bruises him... it's impossible... Women are weak vessels... How can a grown man be wounded by a mere woman.. He's a wimp.. He's a woman wrapper... No one hears about it... Those who do, don't believe him or they even mock him and make jokes out of it.. it's so embarrassing that he can even talk about it... it's not good for his 'man pride'.. Everyone directly or indirectly absolves her.. He must have deserved it...

Cheating is not gender-specific... Both men and women can be victims of domestic abuse...

This post does not in anyway endorse or encourage infidelity or domestic violence..
While it is just an insight into the way our society chooses to pardon certain misconducts or crimes, depending on which sex is committing it, I'm not responsible however, for how you choose to understand it.
You are responsible for your own perception...

The Best Form of Revenge is to Succeed....

This morning, I read about the unfortunate death of a 33 year old man, Terrell L Bruce, in Philadelphia. He was killed by his 27 year old ex girlfriend, Martina Westcott, as they both drove through a neighbourhood. He was driving and she was in the passenger seat when she shot him in the head.

Reason? He broke up with her and she was furious.

When I read about stories like these, I wonder... Why do people kill the same people they claim to have loved?

Why kill them when you can do better???

Why kill them when you can show them what they are missing?

An acquaintance once told me how she had been living with her fiance for 8 months only to find out (by accident) that he had gone to pay bride price for a girl who was pregnant for him. According to her, she said that was the day she realised it's actually easy to kill someone. The only thing that had stopped her was that she had confided in her mother and her mother had succeeded in talking sense into her. I was shocked. That's probably why we aren't close friends today. At that time, I told her.. You'd be a fool to give up your life and dreams for someone so undeserving.

There are stories of men who mutilate their women just because she wants to leave. Remember the story of the girl who's former boyfriend poured her acid? Stories like these abound everywhere..

Why not make them pay by doing better? Work on yourself. Lose weight. Get an education. Work hard. Make money. Acquire a skill. Dress better. Live healthier. Find someone better.
Let them motivate you into becoming the best you can possibly be. So that when you walk into a room in which they are seated... they can't help but think... "I can't believe I missed all this awesomeness!"

Much Ado about Marital Status..

I and a former schoolmate were chatting earlier today...
One gist led to another and somehow, we started to talk about the highs and lows of married life.

She narrated a particular incident to me..
Her best friend who she has known for years recently divorced her husband. She cited domestic violence as her reason.. saying the last straw was when she lost a 2 month pregnancy after he beat her mercilessly one day. According to her, she had gone to the salon and had spent 3 hours there and the husband threw a fit. She reminded him that the earliest time he ever came home was 1am and the husband accused her of growing wings, talking back at him and challenging him. Then the beating started. It wasn't the first time, but she made up her mind that it would be the last.
The husband on the other hand, claimed that the divorce was as a result of his wife's infidelity and that the only reason he beats her is because she's cheating on him.
The typical he said ..she said.. scenario.

Anyway my friend's husband forbade her to be friends with the divorcee. According to him... No wife of his will wine and dine with a divorced woman.

This isn't the first time I've heard of something like this.. It's true. There are men who forbid their wives from being friends with single women , separated women, divorced women and even young widows!

Why do they think that a woman's character is defined by her marital status?

I know men who don't take a drop of alcohol and yet are friends with alcoholics...

Men who don't smoke and yet are friends with chimneys...

Why restrict your wife from being friends with certain people solely on account of their marital status???

I LOVE THIS JOB!

So today, I and Jessica visited FIRS for some business...
We had to make some photocopies and type a letter, so we were directed to a business centre nearby...
I was a little cranky due to the scorching sun, so I just threw a general greeting without looking at the faces around...
"Madam, Good afternoon." He said.
The voice sounded familiar, so I looked up and was pleasantly surprised to see a former student. He finished school about two years ago.
I gave him a playful slap on his back...
"You! You pretended not to see me when I walked in abi?" I teased...
We talked a little about what life has been like after school. He told me he was just helping his aunt out at the business centre while waiting for University admission..
 After he was done with my letter..(he did a terrific job by the way), I asked him for the bill and he told me not to worry. I was his teacher so he didn't want me to pay. I insisted and gave him more than what it would cost normally.

I can't explain how good it feels... the joy of being a teacher is to see your students succeed...
Today, I came to understand what the true reward of a teacher really is...

Everyday, I work alongside wonderful and amazing teachers...
Teachers determined to make a difference....

Even though we are overworked and underpaid...
Even though we are underrated and underappreciated...
Even though we are constantly being owed salaries and promotions...
Even though we stay in derelict working conditions...
We still do our best to teach... train and inspire...

If this young boy, who is still on his way to achieving greatness/success wanted to do business for me free of charge, it means I must have done something right...
It also means that my efforts will never be in vain...
It means I must continue to do the best I can...
Who knows how many Doctors, Presidents, Governors, Engineers, Teachers, Lecturers, Professors, Writers, Senators, E.t.c will pass through me??

I am a teacher...
I love this job!

FOR THE LOVE OF TEACHING

The beauty of being a teacher is that you get to inspire your children, and be inspired in return...

Being a part of the six-man 'prefects selection committee' in my school has afforded me the opportunity to meet a  lot of amazing and ambitious students; All vying for the dignified position of being one of the school prefects. Blessing was/is one of those students.

Today, I had the opportunity to talk to Blessing, and she inspired me....

Blessing is a beautiful young girl. She is well mannered and eloquent too. What's even more awesome is, she's a straight A student...
While interviewing her for the position of school prefect, we discovered that she is often late to school.

After looking through her results,
So I asked her.... "Why are you always late to school? You do know that to be a prefect, you would have to be in school very early everyday. How do you plan to cope with that responsibility?"

She smiled... Did I mention she has a beautiful smile?... "We(her parents) have a shop. I help out in the shop everyday and every night we come back home very late."

"How late?" Someone asked.

"Sometimes 12am.... Sometimes 11pm"

I was visibly stunned. "Where do you find the time to read then? Cos you're doing really well in your studies!"

"I read in school," She said. "Because there's no time to read at home."

"I'm impressed!" I reply... "This goes to show that anyone who truly wants to succeed against all odds, will definitely succeed"....

I got back home today and I thought about Blessing. A young girl who has to help her parents everyday to make ends meet. Who works long hours and yet finds the time to pursue her dreams, to be the best in her class and probably one of the best students in school.

These are the kind of kids that leave you with the yearning to be better... to do better...
If she can go through all the stress and still shine through.... Why can't I? Why can't you?

Something tells me that I and Blessing are going to be very good friends... I know there's so much to learn from her!

MUM'S INFLUENCE

I grew up in a large household... Not because my parents had lots of kids, ( We were just four... My older brother, I and two younger sisters), but because our home was home to everyone who needed a shelter...
My mum was (still is) the kind of woman who would meet a random stranger crying by the side of the road, and she would invite the stranger home for free food and a place to sleep...
Gladly, those days weren't as evil as these days...
Only heaven knows how many robbers, rapists and psychopaths that would have been invited...
There was NEVER a time when it was just the six of us at home...
We always had house guests... both relations and strangers...
I used to always joke about how I would come back from school for the holidays only to discover my bed had been given to a stranger... So at night, when it was time to sleep, we would have to pull out spare mattress to spread on the floor in the sitting room...
That's how full our house often got..
We lived in a 3 bedroom flat that was always crowded and we got used to it...
My parents weren't rich... We were on the thin line between being poor and having just enough...
We were taught to manage, to share and be content... Those lessons have influenced me to this very day...
I watched my mum take out from the very little we had, to give to those who had way less than we did... Those who had nothing...
I watched her divide food that was barely enough for us... to share with those who were hungry...
I watched her try to solve other people's problems while neglecting her own...
My father was equally hospitable...
Sometimes, he would tease my mother about how we had as much problems as the people she was trying to help...
Sometimes, he would get angry because my mum would 'overdo' it....
We were not spared in her 'Reach out ministry'...
I remember times my mum would force me to go with her to visit someone who was ill...
Or to go see a poorer family...
On days like that, I would be grateful for the little we had...

I remember one day, my mum literally dragged me along with her to go see a woman who had just had a baby...
We took a small bag of food items..(including all the onions we had)and went to see her..
The woman, her husband and 5 children including the newborn lived in one room... The toilet was outside. ..public..
The room was stuffy and smelled badly of urine and filth...
She sold 'akamu' for a living, and the soaked corn stood at the corner of the room, smelling..
When I wrinkled my nose, my mum shot me a warning look.. as if to say "Don't you dare"..
On our way home that day, my mum told me something I would never forget... She said "it doesn't matter how low you are... There's always someone lower... And if you can, you should try to help them in anyway you can"..
Funny how she's the same person who constantly warns me to be wary of 'helpless' people...

When it comes to reaching out to people, I think my mum has been a great influence..
I'm not there yet... but I'm trying.. in the little way I can...
I probably may never be as selfless as my mother... But I'll try to do the best I can...
I'm not a saint... far from it...
I'm probably one of the most messed up humans I know...
Even though I and my mum don't agree all the time... I hope she knows she raised a good woman..