Our Society and Double Standards. ..

A woman cheats on her fiance days to their wedding... The wedding is cancelled... It's the right thing to do... We can't stop talking about it... He exposes her.. An adulterous woman is a shame to womanhood... It's allover the Internet... Everyone has something to say..

A man cheats on his bride-to-be on the eve of the wedding... She forgives him.. I The wedding goes on... it's the right thing to do...Men are polygamous 'by nature'... No one hears of it.. The bride is even too ashamed to mention it so only very few people know.. They cover for him...

A man hits his wife and bruises her... it's all over the internet.. He's called names.. beast.. coward.. hang him... kill him... castrate him..
No man should ever hit a woman. Even if she provokes him.. has a running mouth.. Women are talkative 'by nature'.. Everyone gets to hear of it... Everyone condemn him... Surely  has no right... a mere woman? What kind of animal is he?

A woman hits her man and bruises him... it's impossible... Women are weak vessels... How can a grown man be wounded by a mere woman.. He's a wimp.. He's a woman wrapper... No one hears about it... Those who do, don't believe him or they even mock him and make jokes out of it.. it's so embarrassing that he can even talk about it... it's not good for his 'man pride'.. Everyone directly or indirectly absolves her.. He must have deserved it...

Cheating is not gender-specific... Both men and women can be victims of domestic abuse...

This post does not in anyway endorse or encourage infidelity or domestic violence..
While it is just an insight into the way our society chooses to pardon certain misconducts or crimes, depending on which sex is committing it, I'm not responsible however, for how you choose to understand it.
You are responsible for your own perception...

The Best Form of Revenge is to Succeed....

This morning, I read about the unfortunate death of a 33 year old man, Terrell L Bruce, in Philadelphia. He was killed by his 27 year old ex girlfriend, Martina Westcott, as they both drove through a neighbourhood. He was driving and she was in the passenger seat when she shot him in the head.

Reason? He broke up with her and she was furious.

When I read about stories like these, I wonder... Why do people kill the same people they claim to have loved?

Why kill them when you can do better???

Why kill them when you can show them what they are missing?

An acquaintance once told me how she had been living with her fiance for 8 months only to find out (by accident) that he had gone to pay bride price for a girl who was pregnant for him. According to her, she said that was the day she realised it's actually easy to kill someone. The only thing that had stopped her was that she had confided in her mother and her mother had succeeded in talking sense into her. I was shocked. That's probably why we aren't close friends today. At that time, I told her.. You'd be a fool to give up your life and dreams for someone so undeserving.

There are stories of men who mutilate their women just because she wants to leave. Remember the story of the girl who's former boyfriend poured her acid? Stories like these abound everywhere..

Why not make them pay by doing better? Work on yourself. Lose weight. Get an education. Work hard. Make money. Acquire a skill. Dress better. Live healthier. Find someone better.
Let them motivate you into becoming the best you can possibly be. So that when you walk into a room in which they are seated... they can't help but think... "I can't believe I missed all this awesomeness!"

Much Ado about Marital Status..

I and a former schoolmate were chatting earlier today...
One gist led to another and somehow, we started to talk about the highs and lows of married life.

She narrated a particular incident to me..
Her best friend who she has known for years recently divorced her husband. She cited domestic violence as her reason.. saying the last straw was when she lost a 2 month pregnancy after he beat her mercilessly one day. According to her, she had gone to the salon and had spent 3 hours there and the husband threw a fit. She reminded him that the earliest time he ever came home was 1am and the husband accused her of growing wings, talking back at him and challenging him. Then the beating started. It wasn't the first time, but she made up her mind that it would be the last.
The husband on the other hand, claimed that the divorce was as a result of his wife's infidelity and that the only reason he beats her is because she's cheating on him.
The typical he said ..she said.. scenario.

Anyway my friend's husband forbade her to be friends with the divorcee. According to him... No wife of his will wine and dine with a divorced woman.

This isn't the first time I've heard of something like this.. It's true. There are men who forbid their wives from being friends with single women , separated women, divorced women and even young widows!

Why do they think that a woman's character is defined by her marital status?

I know men who don't take a drop of alcohol and yet are friends with alcoholics...

Men who don't smoke and yet are friends with chimneys...

Why restrict your wife from being friends with certain people solely on account of their marital status???

I LOVE THIS JOB!

So today, I and Jessica visited FIRS for some business...
We had to make some photocopies and type a letter, so we were directed to a business centre nearby...
I was a little cranky due to the scorching sun, so I just threw a general greeting without looking at the faces around...
"Madam, Good afternoon." He said.
The voice sounded familiar, so I looked up and was pleasantly surprised to see a former student. He finished school about two years ago.
I gave him a playful slap on his back...
"You! You pretended not to see me when I walked in abi?" I teased...
We talked a little about what life has been like after school. He told me he was just helping his aunt out at the business centre while waiting for University admission..
 After he was done with my letter..(he did a terrific job by the way), I asked him for the bill and he told me not to worry. I was his teacher so he didn't want me to pay. I insisted and gave him more than what it would cost normally.

I can't explain how good it feels... the joy of being a teacher is to see your students succeed...
Today, I came to understand what the true reward of a teacher really is...

Everyday, I work alongside wonderful and amazing teachers...
Teachers determined to make a difference....

Even though we are overworked and underpaid...
Even though we are underrated and underappreciated...
Even though we are constantly being owed salaries and promotions...
Even though we stay in derelict working conditions...
We still do our best to teach... train and inspire...

If this young boy, who is still on his way to achieving greatness/success wanted to do business for me free of charge, it means I must have done something right...
It also means that my efforts will never be in vain...
It means I must continue to do the best I can...
Who knows how many Doctors, Presidents, Governors, Engineers, Teachers, Lecturers, Professors, Writers, Senators, E.t.c will pass through me??

I am a teacher...
I love this job!

FOR THE LOVE OF TEACHING

The beauty of being a teacher is that you get to inspire your children, and be inspired in return...

Being a part of the six-man 'prefects selection committee' in my school has afforded me the opportunity to meet a  lot of amazing and ambitious students; All vying for the dignified position of being one of the school prefects. Blessing was/is one of those students.

Today, I had the opportunity to talk to Blessing, and she inspired me....

Blessing is a beautiful young girl. She is well mannered and eloquent too. What's even more awesome is, she's a straight A student...
While interviewing her for the position of school prefect, we discovered that she is often late to school.

After looking through her results,
So I asked her.... "Why are you always late to school? You do know that to be a prefect, you would have to be in school very early everyday. How do you plan to cope with that responsibility?"

She smiled... Did I mention she has a beautiful smile?... "We(her parents) have a shop. I help out in the shop everyday and every night we come back home very late."

"How late?" Someone asked.

"Sometimes 12am.... Sometimes 11pm"

I was visibly stunned. "Where do you find the time to read then? Cos you're doing really well in your studies!"

"I read in school," She said. "Because there's no time to read at home."

"I'm impressed!" I reply... "This goes to show that anyone who truly wants to succeed against all odds, will definitely succeed"....

I got back home today and I thought about Blessing. A young girl who has to help her parents everyday to make ends meet. Who works long hours and yet finds the time to pursue her dreams, to be the best in her class and probably one of the best students in school.

These are the kind of kids that leave you with the yearning to be better... to do better...
If she can go through all the stress and still shine through.... Why can't I? Why can't you?

Something tells me that I and Blessing are going to be very good friends... I know there's so much to learn from her!

MUM'S INFLUENCE

I grew up in a large household... Not because my parents had lots of kids, ( We were just four... My older brother, I and two younger sisters), but because our home was home to everyone who needed a shelter...
My mum was (still is) the kind of woman who would meet a random stranger crying by the side of the road, and she would invite the stranger home for free food and a place to sleep...
Gladly, those days weren't as evil as these days...
Only heaven knows how many robbers, rapists and psychopaths that would have been invited...
There was NEVER a time when it was just the six of us at home...
We always had house guests... both relations and strangers...
I used to always joke about how I would come back from school for the holidays only to discover my bed had been given to a stranger... So at night, when it was time to sleep, we would have to pull out spare mattress to spread on the floor in the sitting room...
That's how full our house often got..
We lived in a 3 bedroom flat that was always crowded and we got used to it...
My parents weren't rich... We were on the thin line between being poor and having just enough...
We were taught to manage, to share and be content... Those lessons have influenced me to this very day...
I watched my mum take out from the very little we had, to give to those who had way less than we did... Those who had nothing...
I watched her divide food that was barely enough for us... to share with those who were hungry...
I watched her try to solve other people's problems while neglecting her own...
My father was equally hospitable...
Sometimes, he would tease my mother about how we had as much problems as the people she was trying to help...
Sometimes, he would get angry because my mum would 'overdo' it....
We were not spared in her 'Reach out ministry'...
I remember times my mum would force me to go with her to visit someone who was ill...
Or to go see a poorer family...
On days like that, I would be grateful for the little we had...

I remember one day, my mum literally dragged me along with her to go see a woman who had just had a baby...
We took a small bag of food items..(including all the onions we had)and went to see her..
The woman, her husband and 5 children including the newborn lived in one room... The toilet was outside. ..public..
The room was stuffy and smelled badly of urine and filth...
She sold 'akamu' for a living, and the soaked corn stood at the corner of the room, smelling..
When I wrinkled my nose, my mum shot me a warning look.. as if to say "Don't you dare"..
On our way home that day, my mum told me something I would never forget... She said "it doesn't matter how low you are... There's always someone lower... And if you can, you should try to help them in anyway you can"..
Funny how she's the same person who constantly warns me to be wary of 'helpless' people...

When it comes to reaching out to people, I think my mum has been a great influence..
I'm not there yet... but I'm trying.. in the little way I can...
I probably may never be as selfless as my mother... But I'll try to do the best I can...
I'm not a saint... far from it...
I'm probably one of the most messed up humans I know...
Even though I and my mum don't agree all the time... I hope she knows she raised a good woman..

Fashionista.... Teacher - The balance

FASHIONISTA...TEACHER-  THE BALANCE

Being a teacher in the Nigerian civil service and being fashionable while at it.. isn't the easiest thing to do!😰
There are a lot of restrictions like...
1. Short skirts aren't allowed.. (so you have to wear skirts way below your knees... and if you do wear one that settles on your knees.... you gotta be tricky about it😉)
2. Your workwear should be as conservative as possible (not an easy feat.. you have to agree😐)
3. No cleavage or any *distractions*
4. Your clothes must have sleeves... sleeveless shirts/dresses are frowned out ( even when our offices don't have air-conditioning and the weather gets pretty hot ALL the time! 😐)
The restrictions go on and on!
However, some of us have (almost) found the balance between being fashionable without being too unattractive (lol)...

So today... it's an animal print chiffon gown, black toepost sandals (courtesy of +ASOS ). .. not too short..
Orange lipstick.. (my boss didn'tapprove😕)

The Pain of Grief

I wanted to share this story to encourage those dealing with one form of grief or the other.

My friend lost his father on the first day of this year, 1st January 2014. He had died of injuries sustained from a gas explosion while trying to make breakfast on the morning of 27th December 2013. On that first day of the new year, while people were celebrating and wishing their friends and family 'a happy new year', this family was trying to deal with the shock and pain of losing the head of the family,the breadwinner and the pillar of the family. My friend was devastated.... His father was not just a father to him, he was his confidant, friend and mentor. According to him, they had made so many plans for the future,so many dreams together, so many goals they were both going to achieve as a team... But death had snatched his father away untimely.. My friend is the first of four children and had only recently graduated from university... He was thinking of furthering his education, and his dad was going to sponsor him, before his death. They were not only going to miss him for his love and care, they were going to miss him for his financial responsibility.

My friend happens to be one of thousands or even millions of people going through grief at this point in time... The pain of losing someone dear could be very unbearable sometimes. The circumstances in your life may become overwhelming, everything may be crumbling and your world may be falling apart.. Around you, the challenges may be daunting and there's a void in your life may seem to deep to fill...  When it really hurts, God may seem faraway... but He's there.. In your darkest hour, in your pain and grief, He's there.. Sometimes, it's difficult to understand why He lets certain things happen... His ways are not our ways.. His thoughts are not ours too... He still cares... In His love, you will find solace... and in His strength, you will find strength to move on... If He didn't have a great plan for you, He wouldn't have let it happen... Hold on... Healing is on the way....

HUMAN BODY PARTS FALL FROM SKY IN SAUDI ARABIA

HUMAN BODY PARTS FALL FROM THE SKY IN JEDDAH, SAUDI ARABIA



Human body parts fell from the sky in the busy Saudi city of Jeddah on Sunday, 5th January 2014. Police believe they could be the remains of someone trapped in an aircraft’s undercarriage bay- and they suspect the possibility of it being a man.

The remains landed in the Mushrefa neighbourhood of Jeddah in Saudi Arabia on Sunday, and police suspect they belong to someone trapped in a plane's wheel bay.

Gruesome pictures of the body parts were leaked on social media sites and in Arabian media, according to Metro.

“Police received a telephone call at 2:30 am from a witness reporting the fall of human remains at an intersection in Mushrefa neighbourhood” in the Red Sea city, spokesman Nawaf bin Naser al-Bouq said in a statement.

Initial indications were that the remains “fell from a plane’s landing gear,” said Bouq, adding that investigations were ongoing.

In a desperate attempt to cross borders, especially at poorly monitored airlines, it is fairly common for people to try and hitch a ride in Saudi planes' wheels bays- most reportedly freeze to death when they get to a certain height.

Police are however saying that the incident is not connected to that of the Saudi Arabian plane arriving from Mashhad, carrying 315 people that had to make an emergency landing in Medina this weekend. 29 people were reportedly injured.

The Girl Who Had No Sandals

About a month ago, I met a little girl at school. She was crying quietly at a corner... I watched her shoulders heave as she sobbed.. I saw her try unsuccessfully to use the back of her palms to stop the tears from flowing.. I watched the other children look at her as the passed and I saw the different expressions on their faces. Some of them were puzzled, some were indifferent, some were amused.. A few showed concern, but they didn't stop to ask the little girl why she was crying. I walked past her too, but then I turned back and went to sit beside her. She didn't even notice, but after a while, she must have realized there was someone beside her, because she looked up at me- startled. I asked her why she was crying and she only cried harder. Then finally, in a soft voice that was barely audible, she narrated how she had been punished at school for not wearing the uniform she had been given a week earlier. I reminded her that the school reserved the right to punish anyone who flaunted the rules of the school. She nodded her head agreeably. I asked her why she had refused to put on the school uniform, and she said it was because she did not have school sandals. I was about to say "what about the one you are wearing now?", when I looked down at her feet and saw the sandals she was wearing. They were torn, old and shriveled. "How can I wear these sandals with my new school uniform? My mother said she's still saving for new ones". She didn't need to say anything more. I understood. I looked at her small feet and I made up my mind to buy her new sandals.

Today, I came across that little girl again.. She was wearing the sandals I bought for her.. She waved at me with the brightest smile and it made my day.. I remembered her teary face a month, seeing her so happy was the best feeling in the world!



Everyday in life, I'm reminded of God's goodness. Of how far I've come and how far He's brought me. Everyday I'm presented with circumstances to give back from all I've been given. Sometimes, we need to see the littleness of other people's problems, to appreciate the bigness of our God through the littlest of our blessings. Sometimes we refuse to be bothered by the needs of the people around us, because we feel it is not our problem, or we have 'bigger' problems in our own lives. It is amazing what big difference a small random act of kindness can do for someone who is in dire need. Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Caring comes from being able to put yourself in the position of the other person; if you cannot imagine, 'This might happen to me, ' you are able to say with indifference, 'Who cares.'"

TRUE OR NOT? Kim Jong Un fed his uncle to 120 starving dogs???????

North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un (R) and his uncle Jang Song Thaek (L) in September, 2013

Shocking reports (though unconfirmed) have surfaced, suggesting that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un executed his uncle and a handful of the man’s aides by feeding them to a horde of 120 starving dogs. The reports claim that Jang Song Thaek, the former No. 2 official in the secretive regime, was stripped naked and tossed into a cage along with his five closest aides.

“Then 120 hounds, starved for three days, were allowed to prey on them until they were completely eaten up. This is called ‘quan jue’, or execution by dogs,” according to the Straits Times of Singapore. The daily relied on a description of the execution in a Hong Kong newspaper that serves as the official mouthpiece of China’s government there. More established outlets in mainland China have not repeated the account.

 The entire process lasted for an hour, with Mr. Kim Jong Un, the supreme leader in North Korea, supervising it along with 300 senior officials,” the Straits Times said in a piece published Dec. 24, 2013, but only now getting traction in the United States. Two American national security officials contacted for comment said they had not heard that account, which first appeared in the Wen Wei Po newspaper on Dec. 12, 2013, and declined to vouch for its credibility.

Love.......... A Head Thing or a Heart Thing?

So I'm wondering... When a person is in love.. is she supposed to let her heart guide her, or should she follow her head.

Frankly, I'm more of a head person... Possibly because I'm more of a realist than an optimist..

Still, that's just my opinion... I'm curious to know other people's views on the matter... 

Boots in Fashion!

 Source: Zada Flair Clothing and Accessories (Ankle Boots)

 Contrary to what some people may think, boots can be worn for reasons of fashion rather than for utilitarian purposes. Fashion boots come in a wide variety of styles and are used for casual, formal, and business attire. The variety of styles in fashion boots include ankle boots, calf-length boots, knee-length boots and over-the-knee boots. Ankle boots are the most widely-worn style of fashion boots. 

Personally, I'm a huge fan of ankle boots... Once I discovered flattering ways to wear them, i now practically live in them! My opinion/ Every woman should own a pair at least.. *winks.. 

Summary?...  If you know how to pair your ankle boots properly, you can wear them in different situations, from casual to chic to classy....

"Why boots? Because they give the best proportion in the world. Because, taken top to toe, every woman looks five-hundred times more dashing in boots than without. That's why boots" (Vogue, 1967)

 So what are you waiting for? Get yourself a pair of boots today!

How to wear ankle boots for women? If pair your ankle boots properly and know how to wear ankle boots for women in different situations, you can wear ankle boots stylishly from summer to winter, for casual look and you can even wear ankle boots for work! So versatile with its style, ankle boots have become the fashion essentials that you can never resist! - See more at: http://stylewithshannon.com/how-to-wear-ankle-boots-for-women/#sthash.SbKTHh8o.dpuf

How to wear ankle boots for women? If pair your ankle boots properly and know how to wear ankle boots for women in different situations, you can wear ankle boots stylishly from summer to winter, for casual look and you can even wear ankle boots for work! So versatile with its style, ankle boots have become the fashion essentials that you can never resist! - See more at: http://stylewithshannon.com/how-to-wear-ankle-boots-for-women/#sthash.SbKTHh8o.dpuf

How to wear ankle boots for women? If pair your ankle boots properly and know how to wear ankle boots for women in different situations, you can wear ankle boots stylishly from summer to winter, for casual look and you can even wear ankle boots for work! So versatile with its style, ankle boots have become the fashion essentials that you can never resist! - See more at: http://stylewithshannon.com/how-to-wear-ankle-boots-for-women/#sthash.SbKTHh8o.dpuf

How to wear ankle boots for women? If pair your ankle boots properly and know how to wear ankle boots for women in different situations, you can wear ankle boots stylishly from summer to winter, for casual look and you can even wear ankle boots for work! So versatile with its style, ankle boots have become the fashion essentials that you can never resist! - See more at: http://stylewithshannon.com/how-to-wear-ankle-boots-for-women/#sthash.SbKTHh8o.dpuf

Almost there

She was getting to the point where her heart could no longer care, that point of lovelessness and loneliness, that point where tears could no longer fall because there were no more tears to shed...... slowly, steadily, surely, she was getting there..... she's almost there

She loved with all her heart, she cared with all her strength and so when he broke her heart, it broke in many pieces. Now she's just numb... She's lost all her emotions.. Everyday is a dream she just wants to wake up from... Every night is a nightmare she can't get out of..

She's lost.. She's in pains.. She's in chains.. She wants out but doesn't know how

Then she found out she was pregnant and her whole life changed... She fell in love with life again..  She found a reason to love again.. The child that grew inside her brought with him new hope, new strength, new peace..

Now, she's learning to forgive the man who hurt her so much... learning to forgive the father of her son... for through the sadness he gave her, came the greatest gift she'd ever received... Everyday, she's learning... she's almost there...

Sometimes I wonder.....

Sometimes I wonder.... just how much hurt a woman can really take, just how much love can a woman give and just how much trust a woman should give. How can she be so strong, and yet so vulnerable.... how can she be so unloved, and yet so loving?